I miss you

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

One language, different ways of speaking.

I've been for 5 days in Napoli, an italian city. A south-Italy city. Also known as "Naples" for the world.
An old italian saying says: "you see Napoli, and then you die". Well, almost true. The view is amazing. One of the best thing i've seen in my whole life until now. No horizon line between sea & sky. Just blue, just amazing. I won't stop myself on these stuff, because it might sound lame or "copied" but seriously, it was amazing.
The thing that most got me surprised, was all the love Napolitans have for their city. You can do whatever you want, but don't touch their city, their places & their football team. At first, it sounded like bragging to me. But once i was there, i understood they're just like that. Maybe bragging, but not with that intention.
I come from a very small city, and napoli was just so big at my eyes. Traffic, cars, lights, old places, new places.
I found myself creeped out on friday, when i first got in the city. I'm italian, but everything looked like i was in another country. Nothing wrong with the people or the places. Just the language. I didn't understand a dick. Literally. Sorry for being vulgar, but seriously. I was like: "hey what's that palace?" and my friends were like: "that palace is bhfbghbfhgby, you understand?" "yeaaahhh o.o". It was their dialect. Too different from the normal italian to be understood by me. Way too different. I was creeeeped out. I'm still in Napoli now, but i finally can understand it better . Had to learn some famous sentences. lol
One language, different ways to speak it. It was insane. And i got to learn something in Sicilian, the dialect of sicily. Mafia speaking! ;D
I have to leave tomorrow. It was fantastic, i loved it here. But yeah, i'll come back for sure.
I'm starting to realize italy is better than i used to think.
Is it positive?

It really hurts.

Il vero dolore non si gridα: il vero dolore lo si soffocα.

Si cerca di non provarlo, di non essere compatiti. Di non ricordarselo. Ma è sempre incombente, c'è sempre. Fa paura, inquieta. Fai piangere la notte, e quando le lacrime sono finite fa incazzare. Fa incazzare con il mondo, con tutto. Fa davvero,seriamente male

~

You can't shout the real pain: you suffocate the real pain. You try not to feel it, not to be understood. Not to remember it. But it's always hanging on, it's always there. It scares you. It makes you cry at night, and when your tears are done, it makes you mad. It makes you mad at the world, at everything. It really hurts.

~

She left.

Yeah that's right. She left.

The hardest part was watching her leaving at the airport. I was there, keeping my tears inside. While walking outside, people were looking at me, staring at my tears.

In the car, driving home, i couldn't stop myself. Watching in the mirror, i couldn't see her face anymore. She wasn't driving home with me. She wasn't staring outside like she did two weeks ago.

She wasn't telling her dad on the phone that in Venice it was hot and that she just landed and got her bags. She wasn't there.

When i got home, i took the keys of the bedroom, and i ran to it. I started crying again. The bed was just how she left it, and the room was as messy as it was when she was there. I'm not saying that i was expecting to find something different, but it hurted anyway.

I fell on my knees, and cryed. While crying, i noticed the paper we wrote last night, and on the corner, i saw her: "I'll miss you so bad". I jumped on the bed, and cried more.

I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to scream.

But i decided to go back home. While turning myself, i noticed her pink&black bracelet on the floor. I took it, and wore it. She will have it back if she wants.

Everything reminds me of her. EVERYTHING.

Now all i need is time. I have to realize that she was here with me, we met finally. She was REALLY with me.

Now she's flying home. In this moment she's in the plane. I looked at the sky, but nothing will take her back.

Piia, if you're reading, yes, I MUST BE EMO for sure! But i miss you so fucking bad. I miss sharing the computer, going at the park, playing cards with you, eating&drinking stuff.. Everything.

And you know what? i locked our room. And my mom just asked me to go there and get the nail polish remover. Guess? i couldn't open the door. And, when i finally opened it, i fell. EVO.

I miss you. So much.

When you'll come back, i will make it juicy just for ya. ;)

And please, let me tell you something i forgot to say at the aiport.

I love you.

with love,

your gay emo bitch (: