venerdì 12 novembre 2010

Sai Hachi, quando sono sola mi sento davvero come un bambino che piange, per cui voglio sentirmi fortunata di averti potuto conoscere.

Qualunque strada tu scelga, con chiunque tu scelga di condividerla... mi basta che tu sia felice. Vorrei poter dire che questo è il mio desiderio più profondo, ma in realtà, purtroppo, non ho un carattere così equilibrato. La mia immagine, così come si riflette nei tuoi occhi... è insieme forte e delicata..come quella di un eroe dei fumetti, troppo perfetto per essere vero. Sai Nana, se non si perde la speranza il domani arriva sempre. È una cosa che ho imparato da te. Eppure la pioggia di quel giorno... non ha ancora smesso di cadere e continua a bagnarmi il viso. Se quel giorno non seppi comprendere la tua tristezza non dipese certo dai tuoi occhiali scuri, che non lasciavano trapelare i tuoi sentimenti. Era l'assurda idealizzazione che ti avevo costruito intorno ad ofuscarmi la vista.

Nana -

lunedì 1 novembre 2010

Anche se in questo momento ti trovi lontano, sei sempre dentro di me. Ricordo il tuo sguardo forte e sincero, e ascolto sempre le tue canzoni, che sono la mia fonte di incoraggiamento. E tu, Nana? La senti, la mia voce?


sabato 30 ottobre 2010

venerdì 29 ottobre 2010

Ricordo.

"La saluto. Lei va in fila.
Io non riesco a smettere di piangere.
Lei, ancora una volta, è più forte di me.
Poi si gira e mi sorride. Io sto piangendo, ma sorrido.
Poi non la vedo più.
L'ho persa. "

Grazie di tutto.
Grazie, soprattutto perchè ho scoperto cosa significa provare dolore al suono delle note di una canzone che nascondono un ricordo.

martedì 7 settembre 2010

Non ce la posso fare.

Non credo proprio. No no, non ce la faccio.
Mia mamma ha sempre avuto una sorta di repulsione nei confronti dei "musi lunghi", della maleducazione, delle brutte risposte. Forse è colpa sua, dell'educazione che mi ha dato, se oggi, dopo l'ennesima volta, mi sono accorta di quanto i tuoi comportamenti comprendano quelle caratteristiche.
In tutta la mattinata non hai mai avuto un sorriso per me. Mi eviti. Non mi parli. Ah giusto, perché non mi parli? Perché semplicemente non abbiamo più niente da dirci. Non mi interessa del moroso di quella, e della litigata di quello con quello. Non mi interessa proprio per niente.
Sei lunatica e permalosa. Ma non è mai stato un problema. Non sopporto i permalosi ed è probabilmente per questo che ne sono sempre stata circondata. Con te non si può scherzare, fare una battuta. La conseguenza di uno scherzo fatto a te, è un muso. Un comportamento infantile.
"Hey ma che hai?" "Niente." "Come niente?" "Ti ho detto che non ho niente."
L'ultima volta che abbiamo litigato, mi hai accusato di aver messo tutti contro di te. Prima renditi conto che ti sei offesa perché ho detto che una tua foto era molto carina. Io non ho messo nessuno contro di te, ho solo spiegato il motivo del litigio. Ognuno trae le proprie conclusioni, sai?
Tra 6 giorni inizia la scuola. Tu, sarai in classe con me. Tu, quella persona che io amavo! Ora invece, sei solo una persona che desidererei non aver MAI conosciuto.
Non ti chiederò nulla. Tanto meno verrò ad implorarti di perdonarmi. Non ho niente per cui chiedere perdono. Commentare una tua foto dicendo che è carina non mi sembra un modo per offenderti. Quel giorno, quanto ti ho chiesto scusa, perché avrei fatto di tutto per riaverti come amica, qualcosa si è spezzato, e non potrai più riparare. Mi hai accusato di non essere affidabile, e perchè? Solo perchè avevo chiesto a due amici se sapevano cosa ti avevo fatto.
Non sono solo stanca, ne va di mezzo anche la mia dignità e il mio orgoglio. Io ti ho implorato, te ne rendi conto? E ora, di nuovo, sei pronta a rovinarmi. Ma non questa volta sai? Non posso stare male per qualcuno che non mi merita neanche. Non perché sono una persona da meritare, ma perché io ti ho offerto tutto quello che avevo. Tutto. Amicizia, stima, fiducia, comprensione, qualsiasi cosa. Tu non te ne curi minimamente.
Dopo la giornata di oggi, quella a trarre le conclusioni sarò io. Se non dovessi vederti tutti i giorni per i prossimi 5 anni, non credo sarei qui a scervellarmi per trovare un modo di continuare con te.
Cara, il mondo non gira intorno a te. Un "deficiente" detto in modo scherzoso, non è un insulto. I punti a fine parola non mi spaventano. Un cuoricino scritto così perché bisogna scriverlo, non è confondibile con uno scritto col cuore, mi dispiace. Non sai mentire.
Spero tu ti accorga del tuo comportamento.
Ciò non toglie che la fiducia è come un vaso. Puoi aggiustarlo se si rompe, ma potrai sempre vedere la crepa.

domenica 22 agosto 2010

I miss you

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

giovedì 19 agosto 2010

One language, different ways of speaking.

I've been for 5 days in Napoli, an italian city. A south-Italy city. Also known as "Naples" for the world.
An old italian saying says: "you see Napoli, and then you die". Well, almost true. The view is amazing. One of the best thing i've seen in my whole life until now. No horizon line between sea & sky. Just blue, just amazing. I won't stop myself on these stuff, because it might sound lame or "copied" but seriously, it was amazing.
The thing that most got me surprised, was all the love Napolitans have for their city. You can do whatever you want, but don't touch their city, their places & their football team. At first, it sounded like bragging to me. But once i was there, i understood they're just like that. Maybe bragging, but not with that intention.
I come from a very small city, and napoli was just so big at my eyes. Traffic, cars, lights, old places, new places.
I found myself creeped out on friday, when i first got in the city. I'm italian, but everything looked like i was in another country. Nothing wrong with the people or the places. Just the language. I didn't understand a dick. Literally. Sorry for being vulgar, but seriously. I was like: "hey what's that palace?" and my friends were like: "that palace is bhfbghbfhgby, you understand?" "yeaaahhh o.o". It was their dialect. Too different from the normal italian to be understood by me. Way too different. I was creeeeped out. I'm still in Napoli now, but i finally can understand it better . Had to learn some famous sentences. lol
One language, different ways to speak it. It was insane. And i got to learn something in Sicilian, the dialect of sicily. Mafia speaking! ;D
I have to leave tomorrow. It was fantastic, i loved it here. But yeah, i'll come back for sure.
I'm starting to realize italy is better than i used to think.
Is it positive?

venerdì 13 agosto 2010

It really hurts.

Si cerca di non provarlo, di non essere compatiti. Di non ricordarselo. Ma è sempre incombente, c'è sempre. Fa paura, inquieta. Fai piangere la notte, e quando le lacrime sono finite fa incazzare. Fa incazzare con il mondo, con tutto. Fa davvero,seriamente male
~


You can't shout the real pain: you suffocate the real pain. You try not to feel it, not to be understood. Not to remember it. But it's always hanging on, it's always there. It scares you. It makes you cry at night, and when your tears are done, it makes you mad. It makes you mad at the world, at everything. It really hurts.
~



venerdì 6 agosto 2010

She left.

Yeah that's right. She left.
The hardest part was watching her leaving at the airport. I was there, keeping my tears inside. While walking outside, people were looking at me, staring at my tears.
In the car, driving home, i couldn't stop myself. Watching in the mirror, i couldn't see her face anymore. She wasn't driving home with me. She wasn't staring outside like she did two weeks ago.
She wasn't telling her dad on the phone that in Venice it was hot and that she just landed and got her bags. She wasn't there.
When i got home, i took the keys of the bedroom, and i ran to it. I started crying again. The bed was just how she left it, and the room was as messy as it was when she was there. I'm not saying that i was expecting to find something different, but it hurted anyway.
I fell on my knees, and cryed. While crying, i noticed the paper we wrote last night, and on the corner, i saw her: "I'll miss you so bad". I jumped on the bed, and cried more.
I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to scream.
But i decided to go back home. While turning myself, i noticed her pink&black bracelet on the floor. I took it, and wore it. She will have it back if she wants.
Everything reminds me of her. EVERYTHING.
Now all i need is time. I have to realize that she was here with me, we met finally. She was REALLY with me.
Now she's flying home. In this moment she's in the plane. I looked at the sky, but nothing will take her back.
Piia, if you're reading, yes, I MUST BE EMO for sure! But i miss you so fucking bad. I miss sharing the computer, going at the park, playing cards with you, eating&drinking stuff.. Everything.
And you know what? i locked our room. And my mom just asked me to go there and get the nail polish remover. Guess? i couldn't open the door. And, when i finally opened it, i fell. EVO.
I miss you. So much.
When you'll come back, i will make it juicy just for ya. ;)
And please, let me tell you something i forgot to say at the aiport.
I love you.
with love,
your gay emo bitch (:



sabato 17 luglio 2010

Just writing.

Today i don't feel so well. I just got a txt from my cousin, and i figured out how much i miss her already, even tho she left less that a week ago. We're like sisters. She's 21, older than me. But we grew up together, and not having her here near me makes me cry.
When she's home, in the summer she's often out with her boyfriend or with her friends, so we can't see each other so much. But i don't care, it's enough to see her 20 minutes in the evening. Even maybe when i'm on the computer and she comes to speak to me. It just feels so good. Now i miss that. I'm listening to her favourite songs. I wonder if she thinks about me, but i'm glad she txted me, it makes me guess she does.
She texted me 2 days ago too, but i forgot to answer, because i was sleepy when i got the txt. So i answered tonight.
Right in front of my computer i have a picture of me with her, my brother and my grandma. Looking at her face makes me feel good. It always takes her a lot of time to answer the txt, but i understand that.. i mean, she's with her boyfriend :P
OH, i forgot to tell where she is. She's at a sea place at 1,5 h from here working. She's not studying anymore.
She'll be back in 2 months, i must wait her, there's nothing else i can do.
I wish i could tell her that i miss her, but we've never been too emotional, so i won't.
When i said her goodbye, i hugged her, and she wasn't looking at me, and she left fast. When we were about to leave her she started whining saying that she didn't want to leave and stuff like that. That killed my breathing.
OH, she answered (:

giovedì 15 luglio 2010

My first entry.

Wow, I have a blog.
It feels weird to me, it's the first time i have one. Well, not really. I had a blog 2 years ago, but i deleted it because i never uploaded it. It was pink, green and light blue. As profile picture I had a pic of me wearing a blonde wig. You can understand how creepy. It was full of youtube videos of songs that I liked, because i wasn't able to put the music on the blog. Shame on me!
Right now i'm listening to music. Ahah, i'm always listening to music! I love music, it's my life (:
Tomorrow is gonna be another day, another empty day. I didn't get too bored yet this summer, but this week my friends aren't here, and i miss them ): But they will be back on saturday, so i'll meet them again. Can't wait!
My brother is watching tv right now, and i'm wondering why he isn't sleeping, since it's 1.27 am and he's just 7 o.o
Well, i should go sleep too. I tought about waking up tomorrow at 6 and go cycling around for an hour. Early morning is the only time of the day when the weather is not too hot. Around 8 it starts getting hotter and hotter. But we'll see, i'm not sure i really want to get up!
See you on the next entry then (: